


Jim, Please

by cleverusernameloading



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, this is nonsense!!, utter nonsense!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7735225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleverusernameloading/pseuds/cleverusernameloading
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i wonder if kirk ever misjudged where the chair was an just fell in front of everyone" --tumblr user spacehomos</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jim, Please

**Author's Note:**

> listen
> 
>  
> 
> I haven't written any star trek at all since *gazes into middle distance* seventh grade. I'll probably never write any star trek again. OOC-ness is a distinct possibility. but let it be known that I deeply intensely love this entire franchise and that it is entirely accidental. I apologize in advance.
> 
>  
> 
> (also, I tagged this as AOS but either original series works, honestly)

"Alright, so I just got word from Starfleet -- we're heading to Belya VI today, doing some probe work," Kirk explains. The crew's eyes track him as he crosses the bridge towards his chair. "It's an uninhabited planet, and no one else is even going to be in the system. Should be an easy day." 

"Sir, with our track record, I don't think you should say that," Sulu points out. 

Kirk grins. "You're right." 

He stands in front of his chair and settles back, ready to feel the comforting support of the command seat. 

Instead, he slams into the ground, whacking his head on the way down, and swears loudly. 

Silence reigns on the bridge for approximately eight seconds before someone behind Kirk snorts. 

He whips his head around and glares, but Spock and Uhura both have perfectly straight faces. "Have you been drinking, sir?" Spock inquires seriously. 

"I have _not_ ," Kirk insists, truthfully. "I - I don't know what happened. I guess I just misjudged?" 

A mutter, followed by a giggle. When he looks, both Chekov and Sulu are steadfastly watching the viewscreen. Their shoulders are also shaking, presumably with silenced laughter. 

Kirk's eyes narrow. "Traitors," he mutters, then adds, louder, "Want to share with the class, Mr. Sulu? Mr. Chekov?" 

"It is nothing, sir," Chekov says. He doesn't look back, but Kirk can hear the grin on his face. 

"We were just talking about how you've really fallen for that chair," Sulu adds cheerfully. He does look back. Kirk flips him off, which just makes him laugh harder. 

"Don't disrespect me right now. My head hurts too much," Kirk says. 

"You may have a concussion, sir," Spock says. "Would you like me to call Dr. McCoy?" 

Kirk is filled with a sudden panic. "Bones _cannot_ find out about this. Ever. Please." 

"What can't I find out about?" comes Bones's voice from the turbolift. Kirk pulls himself into his chair in record speed. 

"Nothing. We're all good. How are you, Bones?"" 

"Fine." Bones looks at him suspiciously, but Kirk is a practically an expert at acting casual. He reclines in the chair and shoots another dirty look at Sulu and Chekov, who have yet to stop giggling. "What death trap are we visiting today?" 

"Belya VI," Kirk replies immediately. "We'll be there in...how long, Chekov?" 

"About four hours, sir." 

"Thank you." Kirk looks back to Bones. "See. All good. You can go." 

He pretends not to see Bones's eyeroll. 

* * *

Later, Kirk is talking to Bones when the latter casually remarks, "I heard what happened on the bridge this morning." 

Kirk feels a part of himself die a little inside. "Who told-" 

"I was wondering how you managed to pull _that_ off," Bones continues, like he didn't hear, "and then I remembered that this is you we're talking about." 

"Yeah," Kirk replies, then, impulsively, stupidly adds, "Guess I wasn't chairful enough." 

There's a loud groan from Sulu, and a laugh from Chekov. 

Bones regards him dully. "You know, sometimes I wonder why we're friends."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> (the [post](http://romanoffmorelikebromanoff.tumblr.com/post/148746748277/spacehomos-i-wonder-if-kirk-ever-misjudged-where))
> 
>  **EDIT:** you can reblog this fic from me [here](http://romanoffmorelikebromanoff.tumblr.com/post/148759820477/jim-please-cleverusernameloading-star-trek)


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